Getting away with the familyWhether you see it as National Lampoon or fortnight of the living dread, your family holiday is ‘unmissable’ entertainment. |
When you’re a teenager, it’s the stuff of horror stories: being dragged across country or continent to spend ‘quality time’ with the people you spend all your time with anyway. Where’s the sense in that?
Well, it’s a chance for your family to regroup. And before you roll your eyes to the ceiling, regrouping may just make your day-to-day existence with one another more bearable. Enjoyable even.
“If you don’t spend time together you just share a house. You’re house mates,” says Denise Knowles, Relate Counsellor. “Experience shows that families that don’t spend time together can fall apart.”
The stress that everyday living generates – be it personal or financial – accumulates over weeks, months and longer, clouding with angst and preoccupation the smaller cheerier sides to family life. And family members can spend years passing each other by in the hallway without actually connecting or communicating.
“When stress builds up, it’s important to recognise that you need a break,” says Denise Knowles. “Otherwise things can get out of kilter. And you lose sight of the little idiosyncrasies that make up the characters of your family members, be they likeable or otherwise!”
It’s not just the destination that gets the gong – Villa in Tuscany or dodgy B&B in Ramsgate; they’re just backdrops. It’s the whole process, from choosing dates to selecting the type and site that starts to bring the family closer. “Family holidays can be absolutely fantastic so long as everyone gets involved in the run-up and preparation,” says Denise Knowles. “But it’s important to discuss what kind of holiday you are looking for – you might be in the same family, but every member has diverse needs and interests. One might want to lie around by a pool and another might want something more active. You need to compromise and find something that incorporates everyone’s wishes, if it’s going to be successful.”
Giving them the opportunity to participate in a decision-making process is a great way for teens, especially, to feel like they actually matter; and for the parents to pull them back to the family table. “It also gives the parents a chance to involve themselves in their kids’ interests,” says Denise Knowles.
Children in their teens may not want to spend every moment of the day with their parents, but if they can share just a slice – be it lunch, dinner or an activity – they can start building or refreshing some of those weary-worn family bonds.
You might think that money is better spent, but spending money on spending time together away from the drudge of the day-to-day is an investment in the relationship. Without that investment, you never give yourself the get-away or headspace necessary to give your family a chance to rejuvenate.
In holidaying together you are creating joint memories. And when you’re back in the thick of it, that’s something you can always fall back on for laughs.
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Info depot
If you have some leftover holiday money, why not give it to the Family Holidays Association, who works to give less-privileged families the chance for some memory-making. www.fhaonline.co.uk
The reluctant holiday-maker
Teenagers can think of a thousand things they’d rather do than holiday with the family. But often the foundations beneath the heel-digging are soft. They may be missing a great party, risking their reputation or be unable to keep tabs on their new boyfriend... You’ll never convince a teenager to picture the fun you’ll all have, but you can give them the chance to choose. Somewhere with a nightclub? Done! And if love-sickness is the root of the problem, suggest the internet, video messaging and SMS-ing. You’re never that far away anymore.
Denise Knowles is Counsellor with Relate and has a private practice in Northamptonshire. She can be contacted at: deniseknowles@hotmail.com
